Most pro se litigants spend weeks preparing what they’re going to say in court. Very few spend any time thinking about how they’re going to show up. That’s a mistake — because judges are forming impressions of you from the moment you walk through the door, long before you open your mouth.
In a Texas family law case, your credibility is one of your most valuable assets. How you dress, how you carry yourself, how you address the court, and how you respond under pressure all contribute to the picture the judge forms of you as a parent and as a litigant. Let’s break it down.
Dress Like You Respect the Court
You don’t need to wear a suit. But you do need to look like you take this seriously.
For men: slacks or dress pants, a collared shirt, clean shoes. A blazer or sport coat if you have one. No jeans, no t-shirts, no athletic wear, no hats.
For women: business casual — dress pants or a skirt, a blouse or blazer. Conservative is better. This is not the place for anything that draws attention for the wrong reasons.
The underlying principle: dress at least as well as the opposing attorney. You are asking a judge to trust you with your children’s lives. Look like someone who takes that seriously.
Arrive Early and Be Calm When You Walk In
Arriving flustered, late, or visibly stressed sets a bad tone immediately. Aim to arrive at the courthouse at least 30 minutes before your hearing. This gives you time to find the right courtroom, get through security, collect yourself, and review your notes in a calm state.
When you enter the courtroom, be quiet. Turn your phone completely off — not silent, off. Sit where you’re supposed to sit. Don’t approach the bench, the clerk, or opposing counsel without being invited to do so.
How to Address the Judge
Always refer to the judge as “Your Honor.” Never “Judge,” never “sir” or “ma’am” alone, and absolutely never by their first name. When the judge speaks, you listen. You do not interrupt. You do not roll your eyes, shake your head, or make facial expressions in response to rulings you don’t like.
When it’s your turn to speak, stand up. Start with “Your Honor” and state what you’re addressing. Speak clearly and at a measured pace. Don’t rush — nervous speed-talking is hard to follow and undermines your credibility.
What NOT to Do
This list matters just as much as what you should do:
- Do not interrupt — not the judge, not opposing counsel, not the witness. Wait your turn.
- Do not argue with the judge. If a ruling goes against you, you can say “I respectfully disagree, Your Honor” — once — and then let it go. Arguing with a judge in their own courtroom never ends well for the person arguing.
- Do not react visibly to testimony you disagree with. No sighing, no eye-rolling, no audible reactions. Write it down and address it when it’s your turn.
- Do not bring up things that aren’t relevant. Judges are busy. They have tight dockets. If you go off on tangents about things that don’t bear on the legal issues before the court, you lose the judge’s attention — and their patience.
- Do not speak to opposing counsel during the hearing unless directed to do so. Any communication with them happens outside the courtroom or through proper channels.
- Do not bring the children to the hearing unless specifically ordered by the court.
Controlling Your Emotions
Family law hearings are emotional. You may hear things said about you that are false, unfair, or deeply painful. Your ex’s attorney may mischaracterize you. A witness may lie. The judge may not seem to be listening.
Your job is to stay composed. Not robotic — human and calm. Judges see emotional outbursts regularly, and they rarely help the person having them. The parent who can sit through a difficult hearing, respond thoughtfully, and maintain their composure is the parent who projects stability. And stability is exactly what a judge is looking for when deciding where a child lives.
After the Hearing
When the hearing ends, don’t linger in the courtroom to make comments. Don’t confront opposing counsel in the hallway. Don’t vent loudly within earshot of court staff. Walk out calmly, take a breath, and debrief with whoever is supporting you.
How you handle yourself on the way out matters too. Court staff talk. Judges notice. Be the same composed, professional person leaving that you were walking in.
Preparation Is the Foundation of Composure
The best way to show up confidently in the courtroom is to be genuinely prepared. When you know your case, your documents, and your strategy — composure follows naturally. If you want help getting there, that’s exactly what I do.
Call: 830.507.3250 | ben@prosecoachtx.com
— Ben Schooley, Pro Se Coach